Vows to my ex-partner

By Holly Suzanne Abel

1. On the day you are married, 

I will fix the bow tie on your neck. 

When the flowers are wilted, 

the caterer is late, 

and your grandmother is asking why you aren’t  

wearing white, 

I will raise hell, 

hand your grandmother a bible,  

and get you down the aisle.  

2. When my children are born, 

you will be the first person I call. 

They will know that you are the home they can run to 

when they are sixteen and stubborn 

and hiding from my embrace.  

3. Do you remember my night in the psych ward, 

my panic rising higher than my blood pressure,  

your voice in my ear reassuring me 

that I would see the sunrise the next morning?   

You have always fought my demons, 

and I will always fight yours. 

If it is 4am and you call me crying, 

I will be at your door.  

4. I know that if someone is your forever, 

it does not end when you stop sharing a bed.  

My platonic soulmate, my reluctant landlord, 

my best friend:  

When I am 85 and graying, 

and the Grim Reaper is ringing my doorbell,  

I will be your family. 

I will be your best friend. 

5.  I will always  

finish your sentences.  

I will always 

sit with you in comfortable silence,  

immersed in the sound of nothingness 

and companionship. 

I will always 

remind you that you are enough. 

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Holly Suzanne Abel (she/her) is a poet based in Saint Paul, Minnesota. She writes in between graduate school, two jobs, a small business, and spending time with her pitbull. Holly's work focuses on disability and mental health as well as relationships with the self and others.